Teaching the Parents

One of the most important aspects of my job as family baby is to make sure that all relevant viewpoints are heard. Viewpoints such as “I want food” and “Pick me up now”. Without someone like me to voice these messages less sensitive souls, such as the parents, may forget the plight of the needy baby in their lives.

I take my responsibilities very seriously, and practice voicing my opinion whenever injustice occurs. After all, it is vital that the parents, and (for accountability purposes) all neighbors within a thousand yards, lend their ear to my stirring oration. My speeches sometimes go on at length, but I say that if you’re passionate about something then no amount of time is too much to make sure it is completely addressed.

The parents are not as democratically minded, I have discovered. As an example, last night a very important point needed to be made about how just because I had spit up my food all over Mommy did not mean that she should stop feeding me, but she and Daddy were far less supportive than I feel they should be. If you can imagine it, they actually started shushing me and, when I would not be silenced, they proceeded to attempt to trap me in a straitjacket they keep around. I say “attempt” because no one has yet built the restraint that can hold me.

As my speech grew more impassioned, I could see recognition dawning on the faces of Mommy and Daddy and, around midnight, they finally saw the righteousness of my cause. It feels good to know you’ve made a difference in the world.

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