Consumer Safety

We live in an age of consumer protections. We can be confident that every purchase has been carefully checked for safety and effectiveness. If there is something wrong, the product will be recalled. If there are any associated dangers, they will be completely enumerated on the packaging. So why is it that, in our supposedly enlightened age, babies are being delivered to parents without the following warning label attached?

WARNING: Prolonged exposure to babies is known to cause lower back pain, joint pain, fatigue, clothing stains, lower standards, insomnia, hearing loss, unintelligible babbling, poverty, and weight gain. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while under the influence of a baby.


  1. At least some products advise you to “Keep away from infants and small children”, but it’s hard when they live in your house.


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