As you know, I am not one to criticize the parents. The way I see it, they really can’t be held responsible for their actions. So don’t take this as me being unkind in any way. It’s just that Mommy and Daddy really are complete idiots.
Recently I’ve been going through the trouble to start learning their language, or what passes for language among parentkind. What a waste of time that has been! Now that I can understand their words they seem more helpless than ever.
They’re constantly losing things, and asking me to find them. A few things I can understand. “Where’s the ball?” “Where’s your bottle?” – I get it. There’s a lot of things in this house. It’s certainly possible to lose something. The problem is that the things they lose are usually right in front of them!
Not only that, but when I show them where something is, they forget about it almost instantly. They’ll ask “Where’s the circle?” and ten seconds after I’ve pointed it out to them they’ll ask the same thing again! I’ve heard about how bad the attention span of parents can be, but I’m pretty sure Mommy and Daddy are setting a new record.
And that’s still not the worst of it. Sometimes they can’t even find themselves! “Where’s Mommy?” Really? You’re standing right in front of me! “Where’s Miranda?” Okay, this is just sad.
You might think at this point that they obviously have some sort of disability, but the sad part is that it’s entirely self-imposed. Mommy and Daddy are constantly wearing these odd windows on their faces. From a distance they look like any other windows, but occasionally Mommy and Daddy will put them on my face, and make a big deal out of it. Apparently they think it’s hilarious.
Anyhow, these windows make everything blurry! No wonder the parents can’t find anything! And yet they insist on wearing them all the time. I’ve tried to take them away, but they just grab them and put them back on their faces.
At this point, I’m sure there is no hope for them. They are beyond even my help.