The Hostage

Many of you seem to think that the parents can’t really be as bad as I make them out to be. “Surely,” you say, “this must all just be some sort of misunderstanding.” Very well, I will present you with the facts, and you may draw your own conclusions.

I have a faithful little duck. He is small and yellow, and always shows up when I take a bath. On his bottom are the letters H-O-T. He doesn’t say much, but I know I can count on him and we’ve grown quite close.

I never gave much thought to where he went after bath time. I guess I just assumed he went back to his little duck family. I wish I had never discovered the truth. You can imagine my horror when, as I was innocently exploring the cabinets under the bathroom sink, I found him trapped there in the dark. I couldn’t imagine why he was there. Maybe he’d been looking in the cabinets too, and the door accidentally closed on him. Naturally, I set him free. How could I leave my good friend in such a state?

The next day, I found him locked up under the sink again. I tried to free him, but Mommy stopped me. “Leave the ducky in there, Miranda,” she said. I protested, but she was unrelenting. However, I am more agile and clever than the parents. I grabbed my friend and ran for it. Unfortunately, Mommy eventually trapped me. She grabbed duck and put him right back under the sink, then carried me away.

You tell me. Are the parents really as bad as I have said?

Asymetrical Warfare

The strategy of saying “No” to the parents has hit a snag. You see, it turns out that they apparently don’t understand their own language. I tell them “No” and they just ignore me and insist that I do what they said anyhow. Sometimes, and I know this will come as a shock to many of you, they even physically force me to comply. It became obvious that I needed to rethink my strategy.

I am not going to lose this battle. If I can’t overcome them directly, I’ll wear them down slowly until they beg for mercy. At first I couldn’t understand their defiance, but then I realized the truth: All of these so called “naps” and “bedtimes” that they say are for my own benefit are actually when they plot against me! I cannot allow this to continue any longer. I will never take another nap. I will refuse their bedtimes. If necessary, I will even start screaming in the middle of the night, just to make sure they remember who is in charge here.

Your move, parents.