Do you know that the parents have the audacity to plot against me right in front of my face? Those of you who have read my previous reports about these particular parents probably aren’t surprised, but, for those who doubt, let me give you an example: Mommy will say “Miranda built a stool out of blocks, pulled the CD player down off the shelf, and set the alarm for 8:00 AM.” Then Daddy will say “We should move the CD player.”
“Hello? I’m standing right here. I can hear you.” Still, I can’t have them plotting against me. Fortunately, I have found a way to frustrate these vile attempts at insurrection. It’s quite simple, really. I remain constantly vigilant for any moment when Mommy is trying to speak to Daddy, or vice versa, then I start talking as loudly as I can. It doesn’t really matter what I say. Sometimes I just make up sounds.
“Miranda, honey, Mommy and Daddy are trying to talk,” they say. Um, yeah, I know. That’s the point. I should add that this not only works with face-to-face conversations. It’s equally effective against telephones. No method of subterfuge will be allowed to prosper under my reign.
The parents don’t know who they’re messing with. I’ve studied them for years. I know all of their weaknesses. They haven’t got a chance.