Many of you out there ask how it is that I manage to deal with raising such terrible parents. I have found that the key to making it bearable is to treat the parents as a source of entertainment. The parents are rather simple-minded folks, and it is a source of great amusement to me to watch their puny minds contend with my great intellect.
My latest game is one that really gets them wound up. “Mommy, I want to take a nap,” I say.
“Do you really want a nap?” she asks me.
“Yes. I’m really sleepy.” We head upstairs towards my room. “I don’t want to take a nap, Mommy.”
“But you just said you did.”
“No, I don’t want a nap. I want to go downstairs.”
“Why don’t you try taking a nap?”
“No, I want to go downstairs.” Mommy starts to go back downstairs. “I want to take a nap!”
Eventually I decide to move to the next phase. I go to my room and get into bed. I say goodbye to Mommy and snuggle under my covers.
I know she waits outside my room, so I stay very quiet. Eventually she will decide I’m asleep and go downstairs. I give her a moment, to really increase the comedic value, and then start pounding on my bedroom door. “I need to use the potty.”
She comes back to my room and we use the potty. This time she asks a few extra times if I want a nap. I assure her I do, and she puts me into my bed and eventually goes downstairs.
“Mommy, help my find my monkey!”
We go through the cycle again. “Mommy, I need to poop!”
“Mommy, I’m done with my nap now!”
I know what you’re thinking: “There’s no way anyone would be stupid enough to fall for that more than once.” The parents, however, never seem to catch on.
It doesn’t quite make up for all that the parents put me through, but as I’ve found, it really is the little things that make life enjoyable.