Foreign Tongues

I never thought I'd say this, but I've been learning a lot from the parents recently. I had been puzzled by their language for some time, but I recently had a major breakthrough: when parents say something, what they actually mean is the exact opposite. I needed to share this insight with my audience, in the hopes that it will help other babies who have difficult parents.

I have compiled a simple lexicon that should help illuminate the parental tongue:

• "No" - Keep doing what you're doing as soon as we look away
• "No No No No!" - We really enjoy that. Do it a few more times and we'll give you a ride around the house.
• "Don't touch that" - Take every opportunity to touch that.
• "Leave that on the table" - Remove everything from the table.
• "Come here" - Run away.
• "Go to your room" - Visit every room in the house but your room.
• "Clean up" - Start playing with the toys on the floor.
• "Give that to me" - Eat that.

I feel confident that I will soon have finally mastered the parents' language.